Lines not to fall for

increasingly I am having to hold the tissue box for girlfriends who have had their little glass heart crushed by a mean old man…….or sometimes other way around, holding a box of chocolate cookies for a male-friend who has had his little ego busted by a mean old girl.

Well, not to worry auntie melicieuse has a list of line you should not fal for….I mean it do not fall for these under any circumstances, if however you do happen to fall for one of these lines (or a variant) well then I always have tissues and cookies in the cupboard.

– “Let’s just be friends” Impossible if they broke your heart. Why prolong the agony? Say you’ll think about it, and then call them…maybe….in a few years

– “I value our friendship too much to date you” Bastard/Bitch (delete as appropriate). They don’t love you, never have, never will, they don’t even find you attractive. Move on, they’ll only prevent you from meeting THE ONE – and make you miserable in the process

– “I love you but I can’t be with you” What the heck you coward. Walk away, even if you paid for them to see a shrink, it is still an impossible and exhausting situation.

– “You’ll always have a piece of my heart”, True. Save the violins, stamp on it. Make them regret losing you

– “It just was the wrong time, wrong place” THE ONLY “it was wrong time/place” was in Casablanca (yes the film), which does not apply here. Poor excuse

– “I’m sorry, can we try again?” How many time have you heard this before? Be honest?….once? shame on them, twice or more? shame on you

– “It’s not you, it’s me” Yes it is you, something is wrong with YOU, I on the other hand am perfectly fine

now if you have been stupid enough to fall for these, well just remember that sometimes some things are just not meant to be. Just try to find someone who will appreciate your true value. And whenever you think you have problems, pick up a copy of Rome and Juliet and their dire situation makes everything pale in comparison.

Literary quotes might help you such as ” tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” from Tennyson,  or the less literary ones such as “only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs” by Miss Piggy. Distract yourself, and learn the words to Gloria g’s “I will survive”. Depending on your circumstances you could always, in extreme cases, consider:

Deleting the details or locking all contact info of the offending party in a secure hidden case (you should probably do this anyway)

Changing job

Changing hairstyle

Rearranging your flat (just for a change)

Removing every trace of the offending party from view

Book a holiday

Start a new hobby

Do things you never did with them (remember that restaurant he hated….make it your new home)

Ration yourself to thinking of them only 20 minutes per day then gradually deleting them of your memory

Ban yourself from talking about them to friends (well not at first)

Do not under any circumstances dwell on the past

If all else fails…….therapy….retail therapy

all a super chapter from my fabulous book


5 responses to “Lines not to fall for

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