due to sudden illness (not mine) I have been spending a lot of time lately with a dear friend of mine, because of that I have been subjected to the fascinating art of mother in law management.
My friend is a new bride, although she has known her now mother in law for a few years now (let’s call her MIL) that wedding ring seems to have changed the dynamics of the relationship. The said MIL isn’t one of those stereotypical soap opera-sque divas that would send you off a cliff if she had the chance, on the contrary she is a sweet educated and savvy woman who only wants the happiness of her son and his new wife……but at what cost.
You see I have found myself on several occasions zoning out on the TV trying to blank out the futile debates going around me in the living room (usually about what colour should the walls be painted) because it seems that no amount of love will make them agree on anything. In that case what should the MIL do? It is her son she gave birth to him and raised him to be a man and now this woman who is not even half her age snapped him away from her…surely it is her right to chose what colour her son’t kitchen walls should be even if chances are she will probably see these walls less than a few weeks per year. What should the DIL do?(that’s daughter in law just in case you were too lazy to figure it out)…..she is in love and married this man who loves her back, this is her house she will see these walls everyday bu she loves her MIL too should she accept the paint she doesn’t want to make MIL happy or should she stand up for herself to mark her territory…..or even better should she accept the colour then change it once MIL is gone knowing that this might cause a new debate the next time MIL comes to visit.
When MIL and her little boy (that’s how she still sees him like all mummies do) are arguing what should DIL do? run and hide in another room….sit there and watch….. sit there and join in
seeing all this made me think, is the DIL/MIL relationship doomed to clashes no matter the amount of love, appreciation and good will they both have?