shenanigans

me “hi, I’d like to order your toasted chicken, cheese and salad sandwich”

waitress “off course m’aam, would you like a drink with it?”

me ” no thank you, but actually I don’t want the chicken and as you don’t have a vegie option can you make the sandwich with the cheese and salad only and leave out the chicken”

waitress “m’aam sorry i will have to ask the “Chef” ”

me “ok”

waitress “no m’aam sorry we cannot do it, it is not on the menu”

me”……eeeuuuhhhh……..i dont want you to go out of menu, at the moment you add the chicken…stop and leave it out…”

waitress “no m’aam sorry we cannot do it this option is not on the menu”

me “ok, before toasting the sandwich bring it over i will open it, remove the chicken and give it back to you for toasting”

waitress “no sorry m’aam, i am not allowed to bring out food from the kitchen if it is not fully prepared”

me…………………aiiiii

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me “hi, why is this TV at this great price? it is an excellent make and a good size….is there something wrong with it?”

salesman “nothing wrong with it m’aam, this is last year’s model and we have discontinued our contract with the manufacturer we just want to get rid of the remaining stock”

me “oh, great…..then can you please check for me stock availability and delivery options, i want to buy it”

salesman “certainly m’aam, give me a few minutes. I will go check for you” 🙂

sales man “m’aam this is the last piece we are out of stock, we only have the display item…………..and we can deliver any day any time”

me “oooh, display item……do I get a discount for that as it is display. can you also check if anything is missing from the packaging/cables”

salesman “i will go check for you m’aam”

salesman “sorry m’aam we cannot sell display items”

me “why not, you have a TV to sell with a price tag and i want to buy it”

salesman “eeerrr….we cannot sell it to you m’aam it is the last piece”

me “it doesn’t matter to me if it is the last or the 100th piece i just want to buy one, why can’t you sell the last piece? you are discontinuing sales of this brand and the style and i am happy to buy it. why dont you sell it to me”

salesman “sorry m’aam we cannot sell you display item, the manufacturer sometimes wants the display items back”

me furious that i wasted 20 minutes “fine then i don’t want to buy anything else, and next time if you cannot sell an item remove it from display and tell me straight away that i cannot buy it”

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me at the cashier of a women’s delicates shop

salesman “is it only these 2 items m’aam?”

me “yes that’s it, thank you”

salesman while removing security tags of items…”m’aam are you sure this is your size?”

me shock-horror-WTF look on my face “eeerrrr…..excuse me?”

salesman picking up the items and staring at my anatomy “is it your size m’aam….it looks a bit small, we have other sizes if you want”

………….no comment

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me jumping in a cab when late, very late, very very late for work “hi, i need to go to X place please”

cab driver “X place, X place madame?”

me “yes please” pointing to the place with my finger

cab driver “madame this is no good, its very close you can walk”

me………WTF look on my face “yes i know i can walk, it is hot and i am very late. now please start driving there, i will pay you the full minimum fair even if the meter will show less than half for the journey”

cab driver yelling at me (WTF) “why you make me go it is too close madame, you Arab aren’t you, you always bossy”

…………….driver drives while loudly cursing and complaining in his mother tongue -which i didn’t understand –

me “what do you mean, you are a cab driver, you are parked at a cab station with no client in sight i am a client i am paying you and asking you to drive me….and you complain??? and what is it with Arab you don’t like Arabs don’t come and work in an Arab country”

driver …………….shuts up

me now angry and still very very late “here’s your fare, good bye……..i hope i am your only client for the whole week”

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me and a friend after a night out “oh hey here’s a cab lets jump in it to go home”

inside the cab “we need to go to X place please”

cab driver “okki madaame………………..then blasts his music………….by blast i mean very loud, loud enough for us not to be able to speak to each other”

my friend “mel……..do you notice he is going a bit fast……..”

me “notice??? you kidding we are about to take off from the ground…..any minute now”

friend “the air hostess forgot the security message……………..we should buckle up anyway”

me face stuck on the window from the speed “is my face yellow???? i think my stomach just reached my feet”

driver “madaame, i will drive on the back roads…zer izz no radaar”

me and friend “excuse me…..dont you think you are going a little fast? we are not in a hurry you can slow down”

driver “no madaam zis iz za normal fast for zis taaim no ozar cars, i am not fasting”

driver “ah wallah, you see madaam lastaweek zai call me at za boliice to go beey for za ticket, a radaar take my picture so i don’t like zat road”

friend sarcastic “oh really, i cant imagine why would they give you a speeding ticket”

driver after 8 minutes for a 20 minute journey “here you go madaam, you look i bring you home in a good price and good taaim”

greenish yellow friend “mel you pay, i have to run for the toilet……………..dinner is swimming counter stream”

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11 responses to “shenanigans

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