steroid head

i had one of the strangest conversations in a long time, i am trying to initiate one of my friends to the sport of rowing…or more like sculling actually……to convince her to wake up extra early and go for the training before the office will take at least that i get all my info straight on how its done in this city

i get the number of one of the trainers for one of the leagues……i expected a chirpy, happy, enthusiastic guy eager to get as many people into his ranks even if one of them is a beginner (I don’t think my friend knows what a scull looks like). shocker was i wrong, the guy sounded as if he’d ran an around the world marathon and didn’t seem too bothered giving out any information. the twilight zone conversation went something like this:

Meli “hi i got your number off sarah……i was told you manage some of the sculling teams…….right?

Steroid Head (I’ll refer to him this way, or SH) “eeeuuuhhhhhh who’s sarah i know a lot of sarah’s”

Meli “eerrrmmm the sculling sarah i guess…..- slightly uncomfortable”

SH “hhhmmmm ok cool whatever……. (i cant believe he said that)”

Meli “so about sculling……do you actually do anything for any of the teams or should i be calling someone else (thinking – or were you busy scratching your balls when i happened to call)”

SH ” oh yeah that….yeah i know about it………………………silence”

Meli “……you know what exactly (starting to get irritated)”

SH”……………i know lots………..(yeah he said the word lots…no one uses LOTS)…….i manageall of the country’s teams…..im the boss…..i’m the man (thought going through his head- heyyy what about if i scratch my ass now, that’l be fun)

Meli “……….right so you are the right person……..so anything you can tell me….are they men/women teams, prices, training days and times, location,any competition coming up……..anything really

SH”eeeuuuhhhhh you know this is really important, i don’t really want you if you dont plan on staying…….yeah i mean we get people on and off all the toime and its fine if your friend is a total noob but we want commitment…………this is like a super important thing you get me, you have a commitment to make, this is crucial…..we dont just paddle in the water trying to kill time…..we have an aim, we are winners………….this is a very technical sport….there is lots of technique involved……its technically technical (thought in his head- oh yeah that’s the spot…..i should maybe scratch my right butt cheek for 2 more minutes then i’ll start on the left one……..shit man i have 2 hands…..shit man i can scratch both cheeks at the same time WWOOOAAAHHHH awsom man)

Meli ” doesnt seem like you want anyone on board……did you run out of space or something? you are making it sound like brain surgery, i get the team thing and all but im not looking for a second office…..i have enough stress at my first office”

………………….silence

Meli “…..soooo, do you have any of that information like price, timing, location……….any of it?

SH “…………..(thought in head…….shit man this phone keeps on falling to the floor whenever i try to scratch my ass……..if only i had a 3rd hand…….yeeahhh 3rd hand awwwwsooommm)……………..huh hey oh yeah….no don’t get me wrong im glad to have more people on and yeah im sure everyone will be happy to slow down a bit and get your friend up to speed…..but its very technical….the technicality is very technical…….if you want to play around in a boat on the water this is not the place……………..so whadayyawant……do you want to aimlessly go around for nothing or do you want purpose, do you want aim, do you want to compete, do you want to win, do you want to be a winner???!!!!!!

Meli ” (thought in my head – yikes they should stop feeding steroids to his brain its not making his brain cells anymore muscular)……………………right yeah i guess i like purpose or else i would be running on a treadmill in a gym…….i’d most probably want to join the competing teams not the leisure ones….my friend thought i dont know i’ll have to ask her and get back to you………………but hey any news on those info i asked?”

SH “awwsooommm, we start at 6a.m. and we have a training session tomorrow…..yeah its in 10 locations (he never actually gave me any of them) and price is XXX per year inclusive of everything”

ME ” cool, thanks so i’ll speak to my friend then call you back sometime this week”

SH”heeey you dont want to come tomorrow? its nice”

Me ” errrrmmmm no ill call you……(thought in my head: run away run away run away….time to try a totally different sport”

SH ” okkkkk meli, call me im waiting (thought in head – what should i scratch next……….yeah man yeah a chick awsom)

 

needless to say im not calling steroid head ever again, i found 2 other numbers for different leagues. of those fail then im guessing mel’s gonna be trying a new sport

 

Advertisements

5 responses to “steroid head

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s