not fast enough, maybe a lil furious

i watched Fast & Furious 5 this weekend AKA Fast, no i wasn’t bullied into watching it and no guilt trip was involved….it just happned that it was the only pallatable film showing at my local cinema.

the comforting thing was that with the little brain power i had that day, this movie was perfect plus having seen all previous 4 i knew exactly what to expect reducing the risk of shocking my few awake brain cells into trying to understand what was going on; oh and not to forget the fabulous tub of caramel popcorn i demolished.

i vaguely remember what happened in FF 1,2,3,4 but as is the beauty of the FF series…..it doesn’t matter what happened before we just start all over again anyway, lets say that FF5 was on the same lines. some illegal robing of pretty cars that turns into a mess as it turned into a double theft (there’s a little steal from the thief plot going on) and as expected a super big baddie is involved and little goodies want to save the world yatti yatti yatt

i cant say it was a bad film, to me it perfectly served its purpose (make me enjoy my caramel poppies while day dreaming on a comfy sofa, and not trying shocking my brain into conciousness with any complex metaphors or out of this planet plot).
it had 2 helium bags who fought for big muscle supremacy, each one of the helium balloons had a small gang fellowship, one big baddie and his troops, surprisingly a big amount of guns/bullets and some blood (actually a lot of death but not so much guisom blood….go figure), a few babies either present or “coming soon”, cars, cars, and more cars (but funnily they were not the hero), a few legs/boobs and derrieres, a weired Ocean’s 11/12/13 deja-vu setup, best thing though it has to be said that the story was set in the glorious Rio

now for list of takeaways:
– if you have helium puffed arms, chest and legs it is best to find an equaly puffed airball to fight with
– if you are a pretty blond woman do make a few direct stares at the male object of your interest and narrow your eyes suggestively
– shorts can never be short enough
– family matters
– if you have been an ass but you are family, then just say sorry and your assness will be written off
– if you are a bad guy and want to emphasize your badness then drive a Volkswagen especially black ones
– if you are a good guy and want to emphasize your goodness then drive an American car, especially old ones or black new ones
– no car is fast enough
– Rio has no beach (yes the film included no Rio beach scene…..how they managed this i dont know)
– Rio is run by one big bad guy only, when said bad guy is dead no one will run the place
– if you are a good guy do find and kill the baddest guy you can find, then don’t bother helping the bad guys left behind to get into the good side. they will find their way eventually
– stealing money is cool, stealing big amount of money is super cool, stealing big amounts of money from a bad guy is mega super cool
– stealing a lot of money and keeping it all to yourself is super cool and is something everyone should work towards
– rappers cannot act (even black ones)
– money – lots of it, will buy you a happy ever after life
– if you break the law its ok to kill the police and run away
– if you break the law so badly that you are on the wanted list, its ok to break it even further and be on
the most wanted list. your cool status will be significantly increased
– if you dont like someone just shoot them, they will die and will stop annoying you

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