so meli tried kick boxing

truth be told i haven’t been very proud of myself the past few months, it has been almost 4 months now since i have been able to sustain a good exercise routine….after the little kilos i managed to gain during the Ramadan lull my slightly larger ass experienced a strange case of couch sticking

whatever i did i never managed to get my ass unctuck from my very comfy couch, off course my cute ass expanded a little more, then a little more and again some more….etc etc etc. when some of my fave clothes started to feel tight i decided it was enough. i have decided to go back to my old exercising self and kick those few kilos away

anyhooooww, since i am allergic to the gym (i get a bad rash on my face just thinking about it) i had to find something exciting and preferably outdorsy….thus started my quest for a new hobby, a new sport. well i have 2 that i enjoy and would practice religiously but circumstances made them both not practicable since july (heat, humidity, partner not available, travel, bad schedule….etc etc etc).

meli got convinced by a friend that she should try kick boxing, that my fiery temper would suit it very well and that i would love it…….eeerrrrrr some friend that is

i was a bit reluctant, the thought of being in a dojo filled with buffed men and women all tight bodied and tight clothed and me feeling a little “big” and rusty……..i was told i dont have to wear anything special so i wore a pair of longish black leggings and a generic white T that was 3 sizes too big (just making sure i cover my assets) .

so we arrive, i give my details at the entrance a whole list of stuff……….then i had the image of horror…..what if i get knocked out by someone is this why they need so much information so that the hospital staff know what im allergic to when im out

my friend was eager to show off in front of me although she’s not a biff tight bodied super model…..shes just a girl and girls like to be mean and they like to show off, and she did so brilliantly…..she even kept hissing “don’t forget to breath” “breath properly” “see your not fit anymore” “wow you are rusty” allllll through the crapping warm up………and OH MY GOD what a warm up it lasted about 45 minutes out of the whole 1hr30 class. started by small running around the boxing ring (yaaaa there was a ring, this was probably the most exciting part of it all), then entered a series of torture exercises – situps, pushups, lie-down-then-fast-standup thingies….etc all rhythm-ed to more running around the ring

did i say there was an ugly asian buffed up tiny dude yelling at us boot camp style?

then we stop, i think yaaaayyyy thats it finished now they will split us in skill groups (noobs, less noobs, not so noob anymore)….. but noooooo everyone’s in one big awkward group. men, women (yeah that includes some very tall men and some very short women) noobs like me, wannabees (there were lots of those), actually good boxers. they made us do a series of awkwards and to me pointless exercises using gloves this time……so we got split into 2groups, a receiving group and a hitting one. the receivers stood in a huge circle  around the ring and each got given a punch combination, when a hitter got to a receiver the receiver would tell him what combination he had to do…..then you had to punch some random stranger for about 2 minutes. when the circle was finished the roles got switched around so we all had a go.

after this came the kicks, at this point i knew i wasn’t coming back so i wasn’t interested in inflicting so much pain to my joints and sat this part out (oh don’t worry i will enumerate  why i decided i wasn’t going back before it ended)

then we had a series of stretching (about 15minutes) and done

what i thought of the whole experience……glad i did it, never doing it again, its confirmed i don’t like being hit in the face or anywhere else, i don’t particularly like hitting people either, and no it wasn’t relaxing after a stressful work day to punch and kick

now for the real deal, why i would tell my friends DON’T DO IT:

– the wannabees……..waaaay more wannabees in a boxing dojo than a gym. go figure, at least in the gym they look good in spandex. man this place was full of fat bellied balding 30 something men thinking they will miraculously turn into some boxing champion and be discovered one day on a beach by an agent then hollywood decides to turn him into a movie, then a franchise . then he gets alll da gurlz

– the teachers (there were about 4 for 25 people), i was expecting some sexy group of either European, Arab or even Thai oiled tanned chiseled muscle bodies and all…….instead poooof the buble burst, a group of small (one was shorter than me) crooked toothed Thai men who barely spoke understandable English, for some reason they all thought you should know the stuff they’re asking you to do even on your first time……whenever i asked them to explain the instructions because its my fist time and the terminology was alien to me i got a cranky toothed, creepy smile with glossy eyes saying “waadoiioouuu men exxprain agiin, dis iz beesik”……………….to explain

i thought i would be taught by this

or this

instead i was introduced to the sport by this

commmooooonnnnn they must’ve heard of marketing and brand image

– the floor and the sweat……i never experienced this before. i am happy i discovered a new sensation that went straight to my top 5 hate sensations. let me explain,the dojo’s floor was made of soft foam similar to yoga mats…..during the 45 minute exercise all those hairy fat men started sweating….sweating a lot….hell some were soaked…..and when running around the ring you end up in a pool of sweat and usually that pool isn’t YOUR sweat eeewwwwwwwww. yeah while running (barefoot) as the training goes on you start noticing wet patches on the floor……i didn’t realise what it was till i saw most men (and women) were drenched in sweat and that some people’s sweat is so bad that it drops to the floor while they run around or do pushups and all………….eeeewwwwwwww maaaannn i steped with my pretty feet into someone else’s sweat

– the gloves and those stretchy bandages you have to wear for the 1hr30 to “protect” your knuckles and wrists…….those shitty things itched all the way especially the bandages. the gloves made it sweaty and hot and uncomfortable

– the wannabees….yeeehhh those again, in their belief of new boxing/kick boxing champion star they believed it was ok to send out hard punches when playing the receiver/hitter routine. they didn’t seem to understand that the whole point of this was to practice punches and their routine not to try to show off to the girl next to you what you can punch hard…..DUDE CAREFUL YOU ALMOST MISSED AND HIT MY FACE, you are meant to punch my hands

– since there were no particular groups or splitting of levels or anything it seemed to me that it was all pointless. a group of people who think they are catching a “thing” and that they are part of the “in-crowed” because they are doing some exotic sport once a month or whenever they remember that place existed. the whole thing was chaos…………all those instructors were interested in were the entrance fees everyone paid to take part in that circus…….even if that sport isn’t my thing i could have at least enjoyed the teaching method or teacher passion…etc anything, nope saw none of that

– all the girls were actually chubby…..wwwoaaaaaa that actually made me happy i felt all slim and petite again, yeah this item shouldnt be in this list but since i don’t have a “like” list to this post then it shall stay here

– the dojo, i am sure there are some amazing ones, but that particular one was awful dark small no windows stuffy messy

– i failed to see even one poster of JC Van Daaaiiimmm……not one, whaaaat i mean hello he’s da bomb, isn’t he? (this one’s a joke)

that’s it i guess, i am even considering a gym now after kick boxing flop a gym sounds like a nice place…..naaahhhh just kidding ill try a few more new sports before i give up and become a gym junky, for now i am trying to commit to 3 days a week gym until i find something i like

kick boxing DON’T DO IT

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5 responses to “so meli tried kick boxing

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