Category Archives: useless information

you can be gay in your kitchen for 829 €

 photo in the current catalogue of a French homeware store, apparently its OK to be a gay couple if you have 829€ to spend on a new kitchen*

 

if you however chose to spend less on your kitchen then you can only be straight, for the “with happy kids” option you have to spend a minimum of 600€ on your new kitchen

*: gay boyfriend not included with the purchase


il fait trop beau pour travailler


would you put your ass on this?

smurf seat

or even this?

golden haze

 

if these are built and sold means someone is buying them, i’d love to see who dares put their ass on these? especially the smurfy one, I’d freakout to have a blue transfer print patch on my pants

i think i’ll make it my new hobby to walk around taking pictures of offensive furniture; whatever happened to simple? obviously it got murdered by a smurf


do the empty at lunch time

living in Europe I used to go hide in parks or on big public areas during my lunch break and day dream there for an hour.

parks were nice because you’d get some greenery, and you would feast your eyes on some of the city’s summer abnormalities (people – no gender differentiation- have strange habbits in some European capitals….at the sight of 2 rays of sun they would strip to their skimpies and pretend to sunbathe ignoring the fact that those 2 ray’s aren’t exactlyturning the local park into the new Bahamas)

big public areas were a different kind of awsom, you’d find a bench sit and watch……hell forget watching you can stare. a mixture of dozy tourists and locals getting angry with the obviously lost/confused/slow tourists…how dare they walk in front of me don’t they know this is MY pavement. in my head i used to play spot the country (did i mention i talk to myself, a lot), easy:

– they look asian with lots of electronic gadgets, the older ones usually in light brown kakis >> japanese

– they look asian with lots of electronic gadgets, all of them wearing some sort of brand (thy seem fond of Burberry)  >> chinese

– very little clothing, skin tight clothing (men and women), lots of fur in winter – lots of glitter in summer (and vice versa), fair skin or bright orange (depending on the size of their wallet, the bigger the brighter), men like to wear white a lot (season doesn’t matter, looking gay doesn’t matter the important thing is that if you can’t achieve a total white look you should at least have 2 items – shirt, pants,shoes,socks…anything, they all contribute) >> russian

– you can smell (perfume) them a mile before they reach you, proof that scent travels faster than light >> arabs

– you can hear them a mile before you can see them >> spaniard,italian

– you can hear them a mile before you can see them and when you see them you need to quickly wear your shades ….aiiii so bright >> africans (bright clothing)

– you can’t hear them, you cant smell them…..poof like magic they appear in front of you you….but when they do you have to wear your shades…..aii so bright >> scandinavians (i could swear that girl has see through skin)

– they look like they are going camping, thick socks, cargo pants, huge magical backpacks (they have everything in it, you name it you get it: biscuits, water, gum, fruit, bread,cheese, some sort of saussage, various tablets in case they get sick, tissues, toilet paper, map, compass,dried food, space suit, umbrella, camera, tent, portable kitchen sink) >> french, dutch

– classic stereotype (a true stereotype), sandals with socks (preferably brown sandals with grey or white socks) >> german

annnyyyyhooooooowwwww, moving away from europe i found new day dreaming spots for my lunch break. in our old office i used to run off and hide at the beach for an hour surprisingly no one questioned my increasingly prominent tan (yeah the office was a 7 minute drive from the beach). new office new place, i decided to drive off to the desert ( 10 minutes drive away) and guess what its fabulous….only difference no people watching. its big, empty, silent and amazing…..it sucks me in so much that i forget myself and stay longer than i’m supposed to my face turning a bizzar shade of pink. what to do in the desert? park the car in direction of the wind, open all doors and windows and let the air flow in then either

– watch the emptyness and meditate in silence

– watch the emptyness and daydream (a favorit)

– close your eyes and sleep

– cranck up the music and do a lil dance around the car (another favorit)…..dance like no one’s watchin….eeermmmm no one’s watching (not recommended barefoot – trust me i tried- your feet will expand and it will result in you needing a new shoe collection)

today i tried a new lunch time daydream session, i had a pretend fruit picnic with a friend by the pool. it was fabulous, mixed a bit of all (day dreaming, amuzing conversation, laughs and pool people watching). if you are round and have buldging wobbly bits flowing out freely everywhere avoid wearing bright pink tiny bikinis (note to self)

now let’s try to go back to work (aint gonna happen)