Category Archives: useless information

you can be gay in your kitchen for 829 €

 photo in the current catalogue of a French homeware store, apparently its OK to be a gay couple if you have 829€ to spend on a new kitchen*

 

if you however chose to spend less on your kitchen then you can only be straight, for the “with happy kids” option you have to spend a minimum of 600€ on your new kitchen

*: gay boyfriend not included with the purchase

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il fait trop beau pour travailler


would you put your ass on this?

smurf seat

or even this?

golden haze

 

if these are built and sold means someone is buying them, i’d love to see who dares put their ass on these? especially the smurfy one, I’d freakout to have a blue transfer print patch on my pants

i think i’ll make it my new hobby to walk around taking pictures of offensive furniture; whatever happened to simple? obviously it got murdered by a smurf


do the empty at lunch time

living in Europe I used to go hide in parks or on big public areas during my lunch break and day dream there for an hour.

parks were nice because you’d get some greenery, and you would feast your eyes on some of the city’s summer abnormalities (people – no gender differentiation- have strange habbits in some European capitals….at the sight of 2 rays of sun they would strip to their skimpies and pretend to sunbathe ignoring the fact that those 2 ray’s aren’t exactlyturning the local park into the new Bahamas)

big public areas were a different kind of awsom, you’d find a bench sit and watch……hell forget watching you can stare. a mixture of dozy tourists and locals getting angry with the obviously lost/confused/slow tourists…how dare they walk in front of me don’t they know this is MY pavement. in my head i used to play spot the country (did i mention i talk to myself, a lot), easy:

– they look asian with lots of electronic gadgets, the older ones usually in light brown kakis >> japanese

– they look asian with lots of electronic gadgets, all of them wearing some sort of brand (thy seem fond of Burberry)  >> chinese

– very little clothing, skin tight clothing (men and women), lots of fur in winter – lots of glitter in summer (and vice versa), fair skin or bright orange (depending on the size of their wallet, the bigger the brighter), men like to wear white a lot (season doesn’t matter, looking gay doesn’t matter the important thing is that if you can’t achieve a total white look you should at least have 2 items – shirt, pants,shoes,socks…anything, they all contribute) >> russian

– you can smell (perfume) them a mile before they reach you, proof that scent travels faster than light >> arabs

– you can hear them a mile before you can see them >> spaniard,italian

– you can hear them a mile before you can see them and when you see them you need to quickly wear your shades ….aiiii so bright >> africans (bright clothing)

– you can’t hear them, you cant smell them…..poof like magic they appear in front of you you….but when they do you have to wear your shades…..aii so bright >> scandinavians (i could swear that girl has see through skin)

– they look like they are going camping, thick socks, cargo pants, huge magical backpacks (they have everything in it, you name it you get it: biscuits, water, gum, fruit, bread,cheese, some sort of saussage, various tablets in case they get sick, tissues, toilet paper, map, compass,dried food, space suit, umbrella, camera, tent, portable kitchen sink) >> french, dutch

– classic stereotype (a true stereotype), sandals with socks (preferably brown sandals with grey or white socks) >> german

annnyyyyhooooooowwwww, moving away from europe i found new day dreaming spots for my lunch break. in our old office i used to run off and hide at the beach for an hour surprisingly no one questioned my increasingly prominent tan (yeah the office was a 7 minute drive from the beach). new office new place, i decided to drive off to the desert ( 10 minutes drive away) and guess what its fabulous….only difference no people watching. its big, empty, silent and amazing…..it sucks me in so much that i forget myself and stay longer than i’m supposed to my face turning a bizzar shade of pink. what to do in the desert? park the car in direction of the wind, open all doors and windows and let the air flow in then either

– watch the emptyness and meditate in silence

– watch the emptyness and daydream (a favorit)

– close your eyes and sleep

– cranck up the music and do a lil dance around the car (another favorit)…..dance like no one’s watchin….eeermmmm no one’s watching (not recommended barefoot – trust me i tried- your feet will expand and it will result in you needing a new shoe collection)

today i tried a new lunch time daydream session, i had a pretend fruit picnic with a friend by the pool. it was fabulous, mixed a bit of all (day dreaming, amuzing conversation, laughs and pool people watching). if you are round and have buldging wobbly bits flowing out freely everywhere avoid wearing bright pink tiny bikinis (note to self)

now let’s try to go back to work (aint gonna happen)


France’s most famous football bimbo is back

if you happened to have been one of the ones who were lucky enough to read one of my old posts about an underage bleached and siliconed stripper/hooker who “did” France’s national football team (yeah pretty much the whole team), you’ll be glad to know she is now one of France’s national treasures

Zahia Dehar now has a fan club, sponsors brands, participates in well paid photo shoots and even has her very own website www.zahia.com

she can now afford a better hair stylist to bleach her black roots, she can also afford to buy more fabric to cover her ass but she chooses not to…….she is right though, if your ass was your bread maker you wouldn’t cover it would you

i will now throw you a challenge………can you find the naughty striptease video on Zahia’s website? if you find it the rewards will be endless (mostly spiritual)


it ain’t over till the fat lady sings

another British election post yeah i know, ok it will be the last one from me for a long long long long time. as most of you might know the UK finally has a new prime minister, after almost a full week in chaos the old lady with the crown took back the reins of her kingdom (yes it is still very much a kingdom even if we do forget it sometimes), so she took back what was always hers and “ordered” the men to fix their mess. for those of you who understood nothing or not much about this democratic charade here is the dumbed down meli style version of what happened

the May 6th elections caused mayham because there was no clear winner but a clear loser (in numbers)  the conservatives and labour (the party that was in charge) got to a tie and the liberal democrats (the new kids on the block) were 3rd.

since everyone was already mad at the labour party no body really wanted them to keep the boss’s seat (to count a few: agreeing to go to war in the middle east with Iraq/Afghanistan, the recent economic crash, the country’s debt -which is by the way a lot bigger than the one which flushed Greece down the toilet-). the conservatives being “conservative” no body really wanted them to take the boss’s seat either because god knows what they would do…..take back all the freedom the labour party gave…..maybe throw out a few foreigners…who knows…….and the NKOTB- AKA- the liberal democrats, they came 3rd so really they can’t legitimately claim the boss’s seat (yeah the numbers do count).

the only solution was for the 3 boys to work together and form what they call a coalition….so basically a new hybrid party was to be created between the 3 of them but hang on……you thought it would be that easy, baaahhhh labour and the conservatives not liking each other too much decided they wanted to be mean to NKOTB and make them pick one of them to partner with since they couldn’t stand the smell of each other in the same room let alone in a political partnership. the liberal democrats happy to still be in the race but not too happy that they only came 3rd have decided to sulk and keep us all waiting for who they were going to pick (I am sure this included many wining and dining and fake compliments)

as our American friends say “it ain’t over till the fat lady sings”………….and the fat lady sang , she got tired of the paper/rock/scissors game between the boys and decided to fire labour (and also Gordon Brown….or Golden Brown as I name him) and she decided to give the conservatives the boss seat but ordered them to play nice and by the rules of the liberal democrats…….and who knows maybe the next elections she will fire the conservatives and give the lib dems a go on the seat (come to think about it it sounds like a playground ride)

God save our gracious Queen!
Long live our noble Queen!
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us,
God save the Queen


4 minutes to save the world

what would you do if you had 4 minutes to save the world? would you try to save it even though you’d know that 4 minutes isn’t enough time………………or would you sit down and enjoy one last cup of coffee/ice cream/cigarette/whiff of perfume/bite of chocolate………before it’s all over